


Devour The Rude, Leave The Lotion Behind

by MarchForOurGays



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Beverly Katz Lives, Beverly Katz is the Best, Cannibalism Puns, Domestic Fluff (With Cannibalism), Hannibal And Will Are Good Dads, Hannibal is Hannibal, Happy Ending (With Cannibalism!), Jack Crawford Needs A Fucking Break, M/M, Murder Family, Murder Husbands, Possessive Hannibal Lecter, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, Sassy Will Graham
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-05-27 06:23:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15018581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarchForOurGays/pseuds/MarchForOurGays
Summary: Seventeen years of cannibalistic domesticity was not enough time for a vacation,Will decides as he, Hannibal, and their daughter are dragged on a government plane to Baltimore with Beverly Katz maniacally laughing in the background.And, if he hears Hannibal make one more cannibal pun about Buffalo Bill he will murder and eat his husband himself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If I have to warn Y'all about cannibalism then honey what are you doing in this fandom?
> 
> EDIT: Hi! yes, I know that I had already posted this yesterday, but I wasn't fully satisfied by the outcome of it, or the title, plus I wrote this on the fly on a plane in two hours, so I thankfully edited the entire thing in the comfort of my hotel room. I hope you guys enjoy! 
> 
> Welcome to the Murder House :)

 

 

Being alone. 

 

That was what Will wanted before falling off the edge of a fucking precipice covered in an amalgamation of his, Hannibal's, and Francis Dolarhyde's blood but, he digresses, there's nothing sweeter than waking up with your cannibalistic husband by your side as they lounge in the house (more like a mansion, honestly) that they created together in Cuba on a little island called  _Cayo Carenas_ overlooking the bay known as _El_ _Cayo la Leche_. If you told Will seventeen years ago that he would enjoy waking up gazing at the exquisite monster in a perfect person suit known as Hannibal Lecterwell, Will would have done a lot more than punch you in the face and tell you to "Fuck off". 

 

Will sighed and kissed Hannibal's forehead before slowly getting up out of bed because, Will knows that Hannibal has absolutely  _amazing_ reflexes from personal experience a) Hannibal is a downright  _beast_ in bed, b) Witnessing Hannibal kill people by making the useless human eat his own hand and suffocating on it until the light leaves the ignorant person's eyes and Will looks at it and thinks it's one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen simply caused by someone just  _touching_ Will, and c) Hannibal saving Abigail Hobbs with his dexterous, skilled ex-surgeon hands holding her slit neck closed and making sure he doesn't injure her or cause her pain any further made Will look at Hannibal differently than the extremely genius level psychiatrist with a guarded mind who was always trying to psychoanalyze Will every time they would meet.

 

Alas, Will's attempts to try and not disturb Hannibal didn't work-and they almost never do-and Will found himself pulled back down onto the bed by strong, muscular, olive-skinned arms before meeting dark, maroon eyes which held so many secrets that Will had unraveled over the course of seventeen years after that fateful dive off of a two-hundred-foot cliff into the murky, cold, but welcoming waters of the Atlantic ocean. 

 

Hannibal Lecter with a bed-head is one of the funniest things Will has ever been graced to see. Will almost feels honored enough to see a side that no one ever got to see of Hannibal Lecter that could be called content.

 

Will knows better though that Hannibal Lecter could  _never_ be content. It's one of the things Will has grown to love about the man currently crushing Will to his chest in a way that could mean ' _I'm going to crush you to death and feast on your flesh and make broth out of your bones.'_ Which is usually Hannibal's particular thought process about food and humans in which both are one and the same, but Will knows that Hannibal actually means  _'You're mine and I'm keeping you forever because I'm a possessive man/monster and I can't fathom life and death without you'_   Will laughs before kissing Hannibal deeply, not giving a shit about morning breath in the process before Hannibal relinquishes his arms enough for Will to wiggle out of them and make his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

 

Being alone on the island Hannibal nor Will had to worry about modesty or looking good to the benefit of both men, so both Will and Hannibal threw on the most stereotypical island clothes. Khaki shorts for both, a billowy royal blue shirt for Will, and a blood red shirt for Hannibal. 

 

Will figured that Hannibal wore that color because he was going to make a horrible cannibalism pun. He shook his head at his husband before descending down the long, ebony hardwood floor staircase towards the pristine kitchen which was mainly, Hannibal's domain but Will told Hannibal to "suck it, it's my house too" and Hannibal never said another word about it.

 

Will stopped short of the kitchen to see that someone else had intruded in Hannibal's domain, he smiled before walking up to the blue Bahia counter-tops to wrap his arms around his daughter clad in a flowy royal blue sundress which complimented Will's shirt. He kissed her messy dark brown curls like his own before grabbing the cup of coffee set in front of him, already made perfectly to Will's acquired tastes. 

 

Caroline Mischa Graham-Lecter was both of her fathers' pride and joy, and looked like a carbon-copy mixture of both her parents with Will's dark, unruly curls, bright smile, fiery wit, pure empathy, and shorter height but looked exactly like Hannibal in her tan olive skin, cheekbones, calm demeanor, intellect and maroon eyes that you could melt into when she smiled. She wasn't skinny, her Papa's cooking and trips to McDonald's alone with her Dad while they were in Havana getting groceries or shopping took care of that. Her curves almost fully formed on her sixteen-year-old body clung to her size sixteen dress- yes, the irony that her clothing size was the same as her age did not float by her but she really didn't care that much about it- so much so that Hannibal taught her self-defense lessons and how to kill a person with one blow to help lecherous boys stay far, far away from her, which made Hannibal's life a lot easier when going out to hunt because she would go with him, find her own target, and there would be more meat packed into the built-in coolers on the small yacht they had coming back home.

 

"I'm surprised," Will smirked at his daughter who turned around to see her father sip his coffee before continuing, "I usually make  _you_ coffee in the morning," His daughter laughed which brought joy to Will's heart.

 

"Well, I figured that the _activities_ you were doing with Papa last night would have made you more than a little tired," She smirked back, copying her father's and waggled her eyebrows as she spoke. Will groaned as Hannibal entered the kitchen, first bestowing a kiss on his daughter's head like Will had done, before kissing the man himself while Caroline rolled her eyes and then began raiding the fridge for breakfast.

 

"What were you groaning about  _mylimasis_?" Hannibal asked Will as he prepared his own coffee with a dash of coconut butter and heavy cream before turning back to his husband, who let out a long sigh.

 

"This house is big-"

 

"Not big  _enough"_ Caroline retorted towards Will while throwing a pack of "bacon" behind her back towards Hannibal who chuckled as he was being pelted with items to make breakfast with and took the hint, grabbing a cutting board to slice tomatoes and some of the "bacon" Caroline had thrown at him a minute ago.

 

"However, these walls are thin and we were  _overheard_ last night," Will gave a pointed look at his husband while sipping his coffee. Caroline slammed the fridge door closed before sitting up on the counter-top near her papa and gave both of her parents her signature raised eyebrow of annoyance.

 

"You started it," Hannibal offered while turning on the burner for the non-stick frying pan to heat up to cook the "bacon" Will scoffed,

 

"I don't have a possessive streak in the bedroom  _Hannibal_ , which includes biting my ass and then eating it out,"

 

"Dad!" Caroline yelped with disgust while Will rolled his eyes and Hannibal had a cocky smile on his face while he was deeply focused on cutting up kidneys to go into the protein scramble-one of Will's favorites-he was currently making.

 

"What the fuck that's  _gross-_ "

 

"Caroline Mischa, language," Hannibal chided while his daughter rolled her eyes and hopped off the counter to go sit in the monumentally sized living room before turning on the flat-screen TV, pulling up  _Gotham_ to watch the latest episode. 

 

Alas, the chaotic tranquility of the house did not last long. Not twenty minutes later, the serenity was interrupted by a knock on the front door.

 

Usually, something this mundane would not startle anyone sane and living in a house but for the Lecters, who lived on and owned a private island that was ten miles from the mainland, this was  _not_ an ordinary occurrence. Hannibal paused in his cooking to glance at Will, whose wide-eyed expression confirmed Hannibal's hypothesis of hearing a knock on the door. In the living room, Caroline paused the TV before grabbing the knife that Hannibal had hidden in a secret compartment near the couch before walking into the foyer to answer the door herself. Both Hannibal and Will looked out the window over the sink to see who was intruding in their beloved solitude but could not make out faces due to the stained, textured glass. Both men were confident in their daughter's fighting skills but as parents, they were worried as to  _who_ showed up at the door that could hurt their only child.

 

Caroline took a deep breath and put on a sickly sweet smile-the same one used for boys or older men while she lured them onto her knife-while opening the heavy maple door with one hand, the other was behind her back holding the kitchen knife right up flat against her lower spine.

 

Standing on the front porch were three people, two women, and one man. Using her party trick quickly she deduced that a) they were all old colleagues with her dad from the suit the man was wearing, and the F.B.I. credentials sticking proudly out of every person's pocket, and b) they all wanted to kill or grotesquely maim her papa for multiple reasons. Justice, she got from the man, the tell-tale sign was his eyes and face, hardened by years of seeing death, criminals going unpunished, and innocent people dying, revenge she saw in the shorter woman who, by the looks of her slightly swelled feet, dark circles, and a small amount of weight gain around the stomach, had children of her own and wanted to make her papa pay for threatening her family, and, the other was just pissed off that her papa had taken her dad away and fled the country without so much as a fucking phone call or a Christmas card.

 

Caroline decided to choose her next few words _very_ carefully.  

 

"Hi! Can I help you guys?" The woman, who was shorter than the rest of the group, Caroline noticed that she had kind, understanding eyes, even though they were hardened by anger, like her father's. The woman cleared her throat and began to speak but the African-American man interjected in a gruff voice as hard as stone, which matched his personality.

 

"Are your parents here?" Caroline hesitated before quickly turning around to see both her Papa and her Dad come from the kitchen and stand by her side at the door. Hannibal ran a hand down his daughter's back to calm her and give her a reassuring glance before turning to the people who had so rudely intruded in on their Saturday morning. Before Hannibal began to speak Will beat him to the chase with a small smile plastered on his face.

 

"Hello Jack, Alana, Beverly. You all took long enough." Will said with his trademark smirk before being grabbed into a bear-hug by the weepy woman who was known as Beverly.

 

"You fucking asshole, seventeen fucking years it's fucking been you bastard," Will chuckled before releasing Beverly and going back to his family's side, making a point to the other trio that he was loyal to his family above all others, and to show how much he loves the monster in a perfectly built human suit, and the little monster they created by mixing their DNA and giving it to the lovely surrogate.

 

Fuck, he and Hannibal have an ultrasound appointment next week with the surrogate. And they haven't old Caroline yet, and there's three people at the door who want his husband dead and Will is  _not_ going to become a single parent.

 

"Christ, when did you get a kid Graham?" Beverly asked, breaking Will out of his mind palace and also trying to break the tension between Alana, Jack, and Hannibal as they all stare at each other without blinking. Will hopes his husband keeps his person suit on for just a little bit longer, he would prefer not to have his former bosses/close friends for dinner tonight. So he decided to bring out the narcissist in Hannibal.

 

"Around sixteen years ago, a year after I got married," Will showed the group his wedding band before Beverly let out what sounded like a  _squeal._ Hannibal looks downright cocky, wrapping one of his large, muscular arms that Will always fantasizes about around his family, claiming them tribally and telling everyone else to  _fuck off_.

 

Will and Caroline just smile.

 

Jack finally started to talk again, thank god, breaking his eye contact with Hannibal and continuing in the same gruff voice that Will had gotten used to hearing over seventeen years ago.

 

"Yes, well I'm sure we all would love to catch up, but we need your help, Will," Jack said insistently, trying to change the topic to something much more his purview.

 

"There's a new killer isn't there," Will looked at his former boss with a knowing face, because Jack would not have found Will unless something was _really_ bad. And Jack Crawford was not a patient man. 

 

"There's a new killer that is growing in kill counts every day, overweight young girls in their late teens, early twenties are being abducted right and left around the Baltimore area." Will felt Hannibal tighten his arm protectively around their daughter, with a tribal instinct to protect his offspring and kill anyone who dares to even come close to touching his daughter.

 

"What's his name?" Hannibal asked opening his mouth for the first time, entering the conversation smoothly and raising his eyebrow in question towards Jack. 

 

"Buffalo Bill." 

 

Hannibal scoffed.

 

"Not very original, how did the low-grade public new come up with that atrocious name?" 

 

"It wasn't the news, it was a dumb-ass detective who told a local reporter on the record that the killer likes to 'skin his humps'" Beverly said with an overexaggerated shiver, Hannibal gave a small smirk. Will was not amused at his husband.

 

"If you make a cannibal pun there will be no sex for a month, and I'm serious," Hannibal chuckled while Caroline rolled her eyes "Really?" 

 

Will shrugged, "You always have said that the walls were too thin,"  

 

"Anyway," Jack interjected, Will noticed that Jack's patience was running thin, again, Jack Crawford was not a patient man as Will had learned all those years ago.

 

"We have a government jet at the airport in Havana, pack a bag, in ten we're leaving." Will didn't hesitate to answer.

 

"Fine, but my husband  _and_ my daughter are coming with me, I'm not leaving without them.  _And_ you have to promise that you won't arrest Hannibal as soon as we set foot in the States. I know you, Jack, I won't go unless you agree to my terms."

 

Jack groaned, "Fine. Yes. I won't do anything to your precious family. As  _long_ as your husband doesn't eat anyone while you're there, if he does, then all bets are off." Will smiled.

 

Let's just say less than two hours, the Lecters were shoved on a tiny plane with Beverly maniacally laughing in the background. Will decides to regret his decision then.

    


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "As much as I'd like to go fool around in the tiny bathroom right now, our hell-spawn would throw a fit if we left her here, plus I don't really like the idea of my friends and co-workers hearing us have a quickie," Will looked at his husband, whose face fell for an instant in disappointment, but corrected itself within seconds, most people wouldn't have noticed the small slip in Hannibal's carefully cultivated mask. But Will isn't most people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Fluff, Cannibalism comments, and way too many gratuitous Addams Family references
> 
> It's been a while, I'm sorry ;) I hope this chapter makes up for the long absence.

 

"Hannibal," Will whispered at his husband, hoping that the man wasn't asleep yet on the plane ride to Baltimore. Everyone had decided to get some shut-eye during the flight, and it was making Will uneasy, unable to sleep seeing his former co-workers and friends in a state of peace made Will's skin crawl, since really the only times Will saw them were when they were looking over a corpse, usually one of Hannibal's doings, or someone else's psychotic minds at work, trying to create their own masterpiece, none, however, came even  _close_ to Hannibal's works of art, left behind for Will to see him for the beast that Hannibal really is behind that perfectly crafted person suit, itching to come out and reap havoc on insolent, rude piles of flesh who  _dared_ to harm his family. Luckily, the man of the hour was feigning drowsiness, and turned his head, ever so careful to not wake their sleeping daughter currently passed out on Hannibal's iron-stiff shoulders.

 

"Yes  _Mylimasis_ _?_ " Looking at his husband with so much love that it takes everything in Will to not kiss the man, to not let him ravage his body, claim him in front of everyone, letting them know that Will only belonged to  _Hannibal._ Will looks back over the swarm of sleeping people, his skin shivers with discomfort again. Will hates quiet, on the contrary to everyone else's belief that Will lives in silence and solitude, and hates to leave it. But in actual reality, Will  _hates_ quiet, there's a reason why he had a number of dogs well over the national average for each family, but Will lives to break out of conforming society norms, one of the reasons why he married and fell in love with Hannibal, actually. Hannibal  _thrives_ on creating chaos and unbalancing the natural order of things, especially the trope of hunter, hunted. Hannibal, of course, notices Will's unease.

 

"You are shaking, William." Hannibal notes, face laden with concern, grabbing Will's hands within his own, before placing a delicate kiss on each of Will's wrists, directly on his pulse-points. "What is troubling you so?" Hannibal asks, taking one of his hands to cradle Will's face.

 

"The quiet. It's unsettling, I wish I had a distraction or something," Will fidgets in his seat more, and Hannibal's hand travels down to rest on his inner thigh, rubbing his thumb along the seam of Will's tight pants. Will knew  _exactly_ where this was going.

 

"As much as I'd like to go fool around in the tiny bathroom right now, our hell-spawn would throw a fit if we left her here, plus I don't really like the idea of my friends and co-workers hearing us have a quickie," Will looked at his husband, whose face fell for an instant in disappointment, but corrected itself within seconds, most people wouldn't have noticed the small slip in Hannibal's carefully cultivated mask. But Will isn't most people.

 

"I heard that," Caroline muffles from her position on her Papa's shoulder, and Hannibal looks down on her lovingly, whereas Will rolls his eyes at his daughter's mouth.

 

"M' not a hell-spawn, Dad," and Hannibal chuckles, weaving his unoccupied hand through his daughter's unruly curls, detangling them with ease. 

 

"No, you are precious, a beauty to behold, all men will fall on their knees to worship you, and you will build an empire out of their blood," Will rolled his eyes again, which is his usual response as a parent.

 

"That's not helping the hell-spawn's ego at  _all_ Hannibal," Will remarks sarcastically, Caroline kicks his leg in response, "You should know Dad, I learned every trick in the snark book from you," 

 

Will groaned, "Don't remind me little lady," his southern accent breaking through and Caroline giggles at his response.

 

"Aww, look, the Addams family in a tender moment," Beverly remarks, smiling deviously from her seat, causing Jack and Alana to break out of their slumber. Hannibal growls at Bev, who throws her hands up in surrender.

 

"Ease up Gomez, I was just playing around," And Will turns to give her  _that_ look, "That nickname's not going away anytime soon is it?" He asks his friend pleading through his eyes hoping she'll say yes. 

 

But, unfortunately, Beverly just laughs, "Not at all  _Morticia,"_ and _that_ causes Will to slam his head back against the seat in hopelessness. Thankfully, Jack breaks the moment in his usual gruffness.

 

"We'll be landing in Baltimore in twenty, everyone prepare for debriefing when we get to Quantico, and we need to find childcare for the girl." Caroline scoffs at the remark.

 

"I'm sixteen, not five. Besides, I can hold my own, thank you very much," Beverly raises an eyebrow and evilly smirks at that. 

 

"Oh, I  _like_ you," Will turned his head, giving Beverly another  _look,_ "I'm not letting you manipulate my child Katz," Beverly shrugs her shoulders in response, a devious plan forming in her eyes. 

 

"Nah, you won't let me but  _she_ will," Beverly nodded her head in the direction of Caroline, who had an identical smirk on her face. Jack, ever the moment stealer, takes hold of the reigns of the conversation again, with something akin to annoyance in his eyes.

 

_This,_ Will thought,  _was going to be a very long day._

 

"Fine, fine, the girl can stay, but if she asks to eat one of the corpses she's gone," Hannibal has to chuckle at Jack's remark. 

 

"We're cannibals, Agent Crawford, not exhibitionists," and the plane falls into deathly silence,  _dammit,_ again. 

 

"Wait, if Lecter's Gomez, Will's Morticia, and Baby Cannibal is Wednesday, then that makes Jack Uncle Fester?" Will bursts out into laughter at that tension breaker. Beverly Katz, one of a kind fiber analyst, and the most entertaining person Will has ever come across, and he's seen Hannibal.

 

"I'm actually gonna have to agree with you on that, Bev, Price and Zeller are going to have a field day on finding new nicknames for everybody," Beverly snickered into her arm. 

 

"We are not, I repeat,  _not,_ naming people after Addams Family characters dammit!" It takes every fiber of Will's being to not fall in the floor at Jack's obvious annoyance peaking. Thankfully, Caroline does it for him. 

 

"This is honestly the best day of my life," She says in between gasps of air from laughing so hard. 

 

For once, Will notices, Alana has not said anything the  _entire_ time. 

 

"Alana, are you okay?" Will cautiously asks the woman, who had been currently looking out the window of the plane, but turned around to face Will, a mask of kindness set on her face, the false calm demeanor projecting on everyone in the room, especially Hannibal.

 

"I'm just peachy Will. Just ready to get the case solved." Will noticed that there was bitterness laced in her tone, not surprising, he knew, since Hannibal had threatened to destroy her family, the one she'd built, for the sake of a message to basically 'fuck off' and now here he was, married to Will, with a beautiful daughter and another baby on the way. Exactly as Alana's life was before Hannibal almost destroyed it. 

 

Yeah, Will could understand her pain, the face she was making was one that was trying to hold herself back from jumping out of her seat and clawing Hannibal's eyes out for the paranoia he caused to her family, to her  _life._ Will decided not to say anything in response, just offered her a tight smile and nodded his head in acknowledgement. She offered the same before turning around back to her thoughts at the window. 

 

"If I might ask Jack, where will my family be staying?" Will asked patiently, knowing since Jack blew his fuse minutes before, that he was even more likely to go off again. Jack grumbled while opening his laptop to work on the case, before answering with, "You'll be staying at a safe house five minutes from Quantico, it has enough room to house all three of you, with maximum security surrounding the entire house." Will nodded before Hannibal responded to Jack's offer,

 

"Not to worry Agent Crawford, I have located a suitable home for my family to stay in," Will turned to Hannibal who was basking in all his alpha male glory and shook his head at his husband. 

 

"If it's your fucking house that you left seventeen years ago I swear to god Hannibal," The man in question smirked before pulling out his phone,

 

"State of the art technology, a safehouse if someone were going to break in, cameras at every hallway, and fingerprint identification doors in the front and back of the entire house," Hannibal replied smoothly, causing Jack to turn blood red at someone, especially the Chesapeake Ripper, one-upping him. 

 

"Oh, and ten minutes from Quantico," Hannibal added, letting Jack have a small victory in the figurative massacre Hannibal caused. God, why did his husband have to be  _so_ narcissistic?

 

Thank God the plane was about to land, or there would have been a literal blood bath.  

 

     

     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A (1) in my Inbox is all I need in life

**Author's Note:**

> A (1) in my Inbox is all I need in life.


End file.
